SEEK AND YOU SHALL FIND...

This is a throwback blog from the archives...this was written 3 years and 3 months ago...amazing proof that sometimes in life, we truly do get exactly what we ask for...even if we have to exercise extreme patience to do so...check out who tagged me to do it in the first place...coincidence? maybe. maybe not.

Since I was tagged by Michelle and then by Sarah, that pretty much means I better get on the ball with this....

So the deal is that I am supposed to list and explain
10 qualities of my perfect lover/mate...

1. honesty i could really just stop at this one...it's that important to me. it's important that you never ask for something in a relationship that you are not also willing to give. i give it. and i fully expect it. for me, i love so hard and deeply that once that level of love is there, there is nothing we can't work through, as long as it was brought to me honestly.

2. challenge i love to be challenged. and i think sometimes in relationships people are afraid to challenge the ones that they love. this most often happens, in my personal opinion, because the person does not believe in themselves enough to truly push another. you have to have enough confidence in yourself to feel like you have the "right" to push another. push me...push me past my comfort zones, push me past my limits, push me past my patience threshold (although i'll admit that one is hard cause i have patience for days)...just push me. an ideal mate will make me a better person along our journey--tell me when i act up, challenge me to learn more, think more, be more.

3. passion i am a passionate person...particularly about people. and my ideal mate would also be passionate...about the relationship, about me, about our love life, as well as about the other things in their life that drive them or bring them joy. passion is so important to me....to feeling alive, to feeling like the relationship is alive...what Michelle said in hers about passion, I would just like to ditto and save us all some time and space. :o) Also, someone very close to me once said, "a person without passion is dying inside...only waiting for the outside to catch up"...couldn't agree more.

4. laughter i know love is supposed to be "serious" and "romantic" and all that jazz...but laughter is something i just can't live without. not so much that nothing is taken seriously, but i do love a woman who can be silly and let loose...goofiness and silliness are sexy to me when coupled with the other good stuff.

5. intelligence not only is this important for obvious reasons, it is sexy as hell...i'll just be real about it. and let me be clear that when i say intelligent i don't mean smart. i don't mean a 4.0 gpa...cause that could just mean you work hard (which is a great quality in itself, but not what i'm talking about here)...by intelligence i mean an ability to think on a level that most others do not. i mean asking the non-obvious questions and seeking the non-obvious answers. intelligence, to me, is a unique way of thinking--a higher level than most achieve. true intelligence is far more rare than one might think judging by how often the term is used as a descriptor.

6. communication now's a good time to state that these are in no particular order...because if so, this would have been #2 behind honesty. ahh...what to say about communication? it is an absolute must-have criteria...or at least a willing-to-work-hard-to-constantly-improve-it criteria...so much more can be accomplished and understood in a relationship when so much less goes unsaid. speak. be heard. listen. hear. open your mouth and say something. close your mouth and hear something.

7. desire to grow/change just as i want someone who challenges me, i also want someone who wants to be challenged. someone who sees their shortcomings not as failures or embarrassments, but as opportunities for growth. someone who allows me the space to say that i am unhappy with something they have done or something in the relationship...and want to fix what's broken, not take it as a personal attack. someone who desires to be told when they are not stepping up to the plate and doing all they can to chase their dreams or get what they desire or deserve in a given situation. basically, someone who is strong enough to want someone strong by their side and not feel threatened.

8. open-minded i am an open-minded individual and my ideal partner is as well. open to new ideas, new possibilities, and all types of people from all walks of life. i like to be around people who are different enough from me that i can learn something...anything....from my interaction with them. i just want someone who won't think my friends are "weird" or that isn't so stuck in routine and what's comfortable that they aren't willing to go new places and try new things.

9. selfless selfish people suck. plain and simple. and self-centered people (yes, there is a MAJOR difference)....well, i have a tendency to attract them in my life...don't know what it is about me. so i've learned to deal with them, maneuver with them (not yet around them), and coexist. but my perfect mate would not be selfish, for sure, nor self-centered( in general, and specifically when it comes to me). and i actually don't ask for much on this one....just give a damn about what's going on with me, just because you do, not because i'm telling you about it and you feel obligated to listen....and while we're at it...listen....don't just wait for your turn to speak...don't form your responses or retorts in your head while i am still talking....don't respond to a long story i just told you about how i feel about something with something about you...you know, the simple things....or at least it seems pretty simple to me....just give a damn and show it.

10. physical attraction well i guess i am the only vain one here...or at least the only one who's going to say that which has not been spoken. :o) but it did say "perfect", did it not? those who know me know that i am not vain. but i will be honest and say that my "perfect" lover or mate would be physically attractive...sorry about it, but it's the cold, hard truth folks! now, on the flipside, this can be accomplished in SO many ways...it can be in your eyes--their depth or unique color or the way they can say things to me without you ever opening your mouth (oh sorry, got carried away on one particular pair i once saw)...it can be in your smile--the ability to show me your sweetness through your smile is extremely attractive....it can be in your walk, your talk, your hair, your smell, your touch...legs....well anyway, you catch my drift--physical attraction for me comes in different shapes and forms...i have an eye for beauty, love beautiful things and love to admire physically beautiful people. So it only makes sense to me that my perfect lover/mate would possess one or more of these qualities.